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Sketches on the topic "here and now." About Knowledge
The knowledge that came from the depths of the soul at the time when pride is gone. A story about how pride manifests itself in a person, how it is harmful and what does not allow it to take place: the life of a responsible and active person.
So many moments that you want to start!
And from the story of how my students and I read the books of Castaneda and were initially fascinated by the magical side of the story (like Castaneda himself, who thought that don Juan tells him about peyote, and does not teach him to be a warrior).
I would also like to start with a quote from Traveling to Ixtlan, where the old man asks the author whether they are equal and then explains why not. But I'll save it for a bit later ...
I also wanted to start with the fact that everyone has their own way of knowledge, and that all my sketches written earlier were recently seen by me from a different angle - not as separate studies on feelings and experiences, but as a story about the process of acquiring certain knowledge on the way own life experience.
And, since there were several threads to begin with, I decided not to remove any of them, but to try to tie them all together in this sketch, which can be labeled as a continuation of “Sketches on the topic — here and now”, and maybe also as “Stories about knowledge "...
The last time I wrote sketches, I experienced the feeling of my passing through the curtain of fog. What was my joyful amazement when I decided (many years later) to re-read and read the books of Carlos Castaneda and found out that this passage of “nebulae” for a person walking through knowledge means moving to a different level of his own life = transitional moment in another reality.
I have no doubt that there are still people who have been fascinated with words and have not yet come to their practical application in their own lives. I was most pleased with the fact that, not knowing (because I had not read it for a long time) about the description of Castaneda, I describe almost the same thing, and I know what it is about, because I have been living on the way for years. In the path of gaining knowledge, power and many other things that Carlos Castaneda called warrior impeccability.
Who has become sad, funny or somehow uncomfortable, can not continue reading.
I write for those who understand. More precisely, he knows and finds out.
I am writing because I really hope to present some of my own conclusions, which (I also hope)will give readers the opportunity to link their experience into a kind of wholeand do not consider yourself going crazy or lost in the dark fog.
So, I read the other day before going to sleep chapters on how to become a hunter, how to take responsibility for my life on myself and how to become inaccessible, getting rid of my own importance, and I had a dream.
Dreams are my everything. It is they who tell me about the moments of their own lives, and about my different incarnations in different lives, and discover, connecting all past experiences, the very Knowledge that is not just information. And the information, multiplied by the experience, and embodied in the skills and behavior that changes my life. Therefore, I learned how to understand and use them for my own benefit.
And in today's dream I was very vividly experiencing my sense of inequality relative to those around me. Moreover, it was I who was “discriminated”, while the other participants in the action were my “judges”,mockingbirds and quietly despising me under the guise of friendly participation and sweet smiles. I clearly remember my experiences with this -I was uncomfortable all the timeI felt that these people did not treat me kindly, but outwardly this was not expressed in any way; on the contrary, everyone seemed to be very benevolent. However, because of their benevolence, I always wanted to justify myself, explain my behavior, or giggle like a fool (while there was nothing to justify, in fact, and it turned out that I was among them). Very unpleasant condition.
And when the plot of the dream turned towards the disclosure of the true attitude of my "well-wishers" and their maps, I received a real confirmation of my feelings - the discomfort was not in vain.
When I woke up, I remembered a few moments from my own life, when my behavior really had to be forced by such “silly” people, because I didn’t know how to behave firmly with respect to deceivers and proud people - like I can now. But this invaluable “experience of discrimination” in a dream and feeling like an idiot, which everyone politely tolerates because of his supposed concern for me, very vividly let me understand another side of my emotions and feelings.
I have already written thatfeelings are the language of our soul(psyche)and especially negative feelings. Where the mind cannot help with its logic, feelings will always help the person. It is by negative feelings that we can clearly determine when our borders are violated, when we were told something inappropriate under the guise of polite treatment, etc. And this feeling-feeling like a fool, forced to giggle and make excuses, vividly made me understand how I can identify by him carriers of pride (or self-importance according to Castaneda).A proud person may not even be aware, but with its look, intonation, behavior will always show its gut. And I did not understand before, what was the matter and why I feel comfortable with someone, and with someone — like that, idiot. And then everything fell into place.
It is interesting and more -proud people are of two kinds:
the obvious ones are those who judge and condemn everyone out loud and indiscriminately, and others are proud victims who are silent, but whose pride is manifested as a fear of appearing ridiculous or not knowing something. Both those and others are very fond of giving beneficence, implicitly cherishing their ego with the understanding that they have taken care of someone who is lower than them. Yes Yes. They may not recognize this and really not think about the background of their "help", but they help because they see the other as a holy fool. Otherwise, why help your peer? He has enough strength.And once a person persistently “climbs” with the help, it means that he thinks that the other is not able to cope on his own.
And there is no end to the edge of such a pride.
In this regard, it became very clear another great purpose of religion for people. The basis of religious worship is the idea of humility. And if you want, you do not want, and at least you are praying (even if you do not understand the essence and “stupidly” observing the ritual), you perform certain ritual actions, thereby showing humility in your behavior (!). And humility is the best way to conquer pride = self importance. That is, religion does everything to save those who do not understand what a person faces pride.
There was a man among my acquaintances who was a model of a proud judge. He died of liver disease.
The liver is destroyed by pride.
And it was written about this in the ancient Greek myth about Prometheus, who became proud and stole fire from the gods - an eagle flew to him and pecked his liver. And the liver is an organ that cleanses the body of toxins. Pride is a strong toxin that infests the human body, first on the mental and then on the physical level. The disease of inflexible people who are afraid of losing something (as it seems to them) is important.
What is this important?
A sense of self-importance, which compensates for internal vulnerability and self-doubt.
I will not develop this topic, but I will write only that this dream helped me a lot and remember my feelings, helping to determine the proud in case of need, and I was pleased that I had gone rather far from my arrogant manifestations. And suddenly I wanted to intentionally become ridiculous or stupid in the eyes of people, so as to give them the opportunity to catch this pride in themselves and get rid of it.
All are equal to each other, and people, and plants, and animals, no one is more and no less significant.
But what I liked most was my feeling of coming out of the fog. And a clear understanding of another moment was formulated:for the fog to end and clarity to arise, you need to live your life and perform certain actions in it. Those that are caused only by their own striving, and not dictated by something from the outside. And the more perfect you are in your actions, responsibilities and decisions, the clearer your path becomes. And that's all. And this is perhaps the most universal rule for all moments of transitions from one form to another and from fog to clarity.
I will complete this sketch, which turned out to be longer than all previous ones, here’s what:
“No, we are no match,” he said calmly.
- Yes, why!
“No match,” he said, very quietly. “I am a hunter and a warrior, and you are a pimp.”
I just opened my mouth in amazement. Maybe I heard?
Then he spoke. He uttered the words very clearly, they rolled on me smoothly, inevitably ... I do not live on my own, but rather, as it were, teasing, I arrange other people's affairs; I do not fight in my battle, but twist into strangers; I really do not need any medicinal plants, nor hunting - nothing ... His world, the world of verified feelings, decisions and actions, is immeasurably higher than the pitiful nonsense that I call “my life”.
I was numb. He said all this without arrogance - measured and domineering. And my anger subsided.
We were silent. I was depressed, did not know what to say. Much time has passed. Don Juan in the eyes of the stone, plunging into a frightening stillness ... He just died, he was adamantly immovable.
By midnight, I finally realized that in need, he would remain, frozen, in the wild desert ... His world of verified feelings, decisions and actions was really above mine.