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You lie inside the capsule. You can not move, you can not be afraid and it does not matter that you have a slight claustrophobia. To breathe, too, only by command of an unknown voice. The voice is female, but without a single note of empathy, it is heard as metallic. It blows from the cold and shivering with the body increases. “This is not from fear” - persuade yourself - “Just cold. Yes, I remember you can't move, you can't tremble ... and you can't be afraid. Imagine that you are filming a movie about space. ” But from this game for fun, tears are being stifled.
You are not an actor! And not even an astronaut in the training camp!
This is not a flying saucer capsule, this is an MRI machine.
CANCER is not science fiction, but your new reality!
Now you are not alone, you have a dangerous life partner. By inertia you wake up with a smile on your lips, but then you shudder, remembering - everything has changed. And yes, film effects appeared. After that, when the breast seal was felt, everything began to happen as in the slow motion mode.
Here is a hospital couch. The pale face of the ultrasound scanner.It is not easy for him to report a terrible young girl, and even such a pretty one. “You see, I have no right to talk about anything without laboratory research. But my great experience suggests that the torn edges of the tumor are a sign of the malignant nature of the formation. ”
You, surprisingly with an even voice, answer the doctor, ask questions on the merits, but you can hear your voice from the outside and you don’t recognize it at all. Get up does not work. Paralyzed below the belt. There are no legs, and you seem to have become weightless, only heartbeat jolts connect you with this body on the couch.
Another hospital. Again the couch. Now you know how to do a biopsy trephine. And you also realized the power of hope. The doctor threw into the air the assumption that IT could be a boil, and then go, go to the pharmacy for an antibiotic. Lightning shot of a syringe in the chest. Where the heart is. Where there was hope. And this millisecond action breaks all the rainbow pictures into small fragments. Life, indeed, can run through the eyes of bright flashes. Probably it happens when the commander in chief of his Majesty Adrenaline is in the blood.
On that day, looking at the dense contents of the syringe, the doctor realized that the tumor was cancerous.It was necessary to accept and wait for several days the results from the laboratory in order to understand what kind of disease. Now, too, you lie in a capsule, only to find out how large-scale the disease has settled down in your body.
“If you are hit in the eye, you will involuntarily cry out. Once they hit, they hit two, And then get used to it ”- I remembered from my childhood. And really.
At firstprayed“If not cancer, if not cancer”
laterprayedso that no aggressive form
Nowbeggingso that other organs are not affected. With the word "cancer" you somehow got used to it in a week, but "metastases" sound like ... like a piano lid that fell sharply on the keys.
And you no longer know what gods you are trying to persuade ... One who is ashamed of his bad behavior or this iron MRT of the monster, in whose mouth you lie and tremble.
Today you will receive good news. Lymph nodes and lungs are not affected, all organs are clean and unchanged. It will be a holiday with tears in his eyes. In the evening there will be oysters, hugs of loved ones and cheeky toasts “You'll see, everything will be fine!”.
But let me tell you what will happen in reality?
It will be in everyone. More often difficult and incomprehensible. And scary. Highly.You will cry before your first operation in your life and be afraid that this is the end. You will also be afraid that you will wake up without a breast. This is not hair, it will not grow back. But then, losing weight on 3 kilograms of tears, you will come to the doctor and announce “I want“ under the boy ”from both sides. To be sure. After all, this beautiful femininity 75B brought more grief than pleasure. Yes, and other priorities now. What is the point of lying in a beautiful coffin? ”
You will know how high the pain threshold is. You will be afraid that the fear of the hands of others, which cause pain, tears in 4 streams, and lips in blood, will be with you forever. But time will pass and you will stop shuddering at the touch. Hugging again will be your favorite hobby.
You’ll want to put things in order hundreds of times, delete accounts, clean your computer and search history. You, the pathological controller, will plan your funeral, but you will understand that this event is beyond your ability ...
You will learn to pronounce the word CANCER. However, such phrases as “early relapse” and “multiple metastases” will be included in your everyday life. But no! Do not Cry! Do not be afraid! Better listen, now the fun part.
You will not be as cowardly as you always thought of yourself.Finally, left alone with yourself, without this vanity of the society you can get to know the real one. You know, you'll be pleasantly surprised. You will see a brave and kind girl. Who loves life and knows how to turn everyday life into holidays. Which will overcome a lot of fears and turn all its elephants into flies.
A girl who did not dare to have a cat or even a ficus will begin to take responsibility. Grand. She will make many mistakes, but she will learn even more. He will not blame himself, others, take offense at God and fate. Leave the role of the victim and in the most difficult period of life will begin to live ... something easier. Find the way to your heart. So, never again betray themselves. And this path will inspire many. So she will find her destiny, fill precious days with joy and meaning.