How not to raise narcissus
Self-esteem is vitaltheme for each of us. Guided by it, we build a zone of our personal boundaries and thanks to it we learn to respect other people. Lack or excess in this matter is capable of poisoning life, that's why we want our children to have a healthy sense of dignity.
Psychologists are still arguing on the topic, where in us the congenital and the acquired begins:
- some believe that self-esteem, like the habit of picking up the nose, is in our blood since birth - this is the so-called stable model.
- Others, that all this is the result of education, both at an early age and in a teenage - model Jell-O (Jell-O).
- and still others are sure that we are shaping ourselves under the influence of surrounding circumstances, while relying equally on education and on our innate qualities - this model is called flexible.
And all would be fine, but Danish psychologists scoredThe alarm: the conceit of the new generation has almost reached heaven. Eddie Brummelman (Eddie Brummelman) and his colleagues are afraid of the consequences of such dramatic changes.
It turns out, in addition to the obvious inconvenience that we experience in dealing with narcissistic people, there are also more serious reasons to think about.
Psychologists have proved that people with a healthy feelingTheir own dignity builds a world around them horizontally. They perceive themselves and others as equals, directing attention to building harmonious relationships with people.
TK: joyful little men stand holding hands. The individuality of each is emphasized: artist, builder, confectioner, engineer, doctor. Behind them you can see a beautiful and prosperous world: at home, trees are blooming, the sun is shining.
While people with high self-esteemlive in a vertical world where there is a clear hierarchy of those who are better and those who are worse. Accordingly, they try to climb the imaginary top by any means, neglecting other people, and clearly demonstrate their superiority.
TK: people on the stairs, at the very top there is a smug king, beneath him obsequious pages, hypocritically smiling, at the bottom of the stairs servants fight for the right to climb the first. The situation is as in a castle, dull and joyless.
Brummelman and colleagues are confident that the decisive role in this matter is played by the influence of parents and teachers.
The researchers found that in families where children are supported and encouraged without comparison with other children, a healthy sense of dignity is formed.
ТЗ: the girl draws, in her head she has a thought-cloud: the picture is ready and her dad praises her, she is happy. It is important to show a robust praise full of love, but without hurting the child.
On the contrary, in families where children grow in competitive conditions, with excessive praise and punishment, one can confidently expect violations in self-esteem in one direction or another.
TK: the boy draws, in her head there is a thought-cloud: he and the other two children flee who faster, holding brushes in their hands, and at the finish there is a dad with a crown in one hand and a belt in the other. Dad is nervous and all in suspense. The child runs, that there are forces.
Also, scientists stressed that the model of parents' behavior plays an important role in the formation of the child's self-esteem.