Bad advice for children in verse from Gregory Oster

Bad advice for children in verse

Obedient children are forbidden to read!

Recently, scientists have discovered that there are disobedient children in the world who do the opposite. They are given useful advice: "Wash in the morning" - they take and do not wash. They say: "Greet each other" - they immediately begin not to greet. Scientists have come up with the idea that such children should be given not useful, but harmful advice. They will do the opposite, and it will turn out just right.

Lost child
Must remember that his
Will be taken home as soon as
He will call his address.
We must act smarter
Say: "I live
Near a palm tree with a monkey
On distant islands. ”
Lost child
If he is not a fool,
Do not miss the right case
In different countries to visit.

Hands never anywhere
Do not touch anything.
Don't get involved in anything
And do not go anywhere.
Stand aside in silence,
Be modest in the corner
And stand still, not moving,
Until his old age.

Who did not jump out of the window
Together with my mother's umbrella,
He is a dashing parachutist
Not considered yet.
Do not fly him like a bird
Over the agitated crowd,
Do not lie to him in the hospital
With a bandaged leg.

If the whole family swim
You went to the river,
Do not interfere with mom and dad
Sunbathing on the beach.
Don't make a scream,
Give adults a break.
No one pestering
Try to drown.

There is no nicer class
Than to pick your nose.
Everyone is terribly interested
What is there hidden inside.
And who is looking disgusted
He let him not look.
We do not climb in his nose to him,
Let him not bother.Bad advice for children from Gregory Oster

If mom caught you
For your favorite thing,
For example, for drawing
In the corridor on the wallpaper,
Explain to her that this is -
Your surprise for the Eighth of March.
The picture is called:
"Cute Mommy's Portrait."

Do not take someone else if
Strangers look at you.
Let them close their eyes
Or come out for an hour.
And its what to be afraid of!
About their own will not say.
Let them look.
Grab someone else's
And drag him to yours.

Never questions stupid
Do not ask yourself,
And not something more stupid
You will find the answer.
If stupid questions
Appeared in the head
Ask them at once to adults.
Let their brains crack.

Visit more often
Theater buffet.
There are cream cakes,
With water bubbles.
Like wood on plates
Chocolates are,
And through the tube you can
Drink a milkshake.
Do not ask for tickets
On the balcony and on the ground floor
Let them give you tickets
In the theater buffet.
Leaving the theater,
Take with you
Under a trembling heart
In the stomach sandwich.

Born a girl - be patient
Footboards and pushes.
And substitute pigtails with everything
Who would pull them away.
But sometime later
Show them a cookie
And you say: "Figushki, for you
I will not marry! ”

If you are with friends together
Have fun in the yard
And in the morning they put on you
Your new coat,
You should not crawl in the puddles
And roll on the ground,
And climb the fences,
Hanging on the nails.
So as not to spoil and not dirty
Your new coat,
You need to make it old.
This is done like this:
Get right in the puddle,
Ride on the ground
And a little bit on the fence
Hang on the nails.
It will soon become old
Your new coat,
Now you can safely
Have fun in the yard.
You can safely crawl in the puddles
And roll on the ground,
And climb the fences,
Hanging on the nails.

If you are down the hall
Rush on a bike
And to meet you from the bathroom
Dad went for a walk,
Do not turn into the kitchen,
In the kitchen - a solid refrigerator.
Brake better in dad.
Dad is soft.
He will forgive.

If you are united forever,
Lit up and lead,
Do not try to dodge
From movement to celebration.
All the same, to raise labor
And on a feat inspire
You are great and mighty,
And our reliable stronghold.

The main business of your life
Anything can be a trifle.
It is only necessary to firmly believe
What matters more is no matter.
And then it does not hurt
You are neither cold nor hot
Panting with delight,
Doing nonsense.

Beat with sticks of frogs.
It is very interesting.
Take wings to flies,
Let them run on foot.
Train daily
And the day will come happy -
You in any kingdom
They will accept the main executioner.

Girls must never
Not to notice anywhere.
And do not give a pass to them
Nowhere and never.
They need to substitute the legs,
Scare around the corner,
So they immediately understood:
You don't care about them.
The girl met - quickly to her
Show the language.
Let her not think
That you are in love with her.

Starting a fight with dad,
Starting a fight with my mother,
Try to surrender to mom, -
Dad does not take prisoners.
By the way, check with mom,
Has she forgotten
Captives beat belt on the pope
Forbids the Red Cross.

If you are a whole world of violence
You are going to destroy,
And at the same time become a dream
All without being anything
Boldly follow us
By paved road,
We give you this way
We can even give in.

Don't agree for anything
Never and never
And who agrees with you, those
Cowardly call.
For this, everyone will start you
Love and respect.
And everywhere you will be
Full of friends.

If in the kitchen cockroaches
Marching on the table
And arrange the mouse
On the floor training fight
So you have to go for a while.
Stop the fight for peace
And all your strength quit
To fight for cleanliness.

If you are going to friend
Tell your misfortune
Take a friend's button
Useless - run away
And leave you a keepsake
This button is a friend.
It is better to give him a bandwagon,
Throw on the floor, sit on top
And then in detail
Tell your misfortune.

If you come to friends,
Do not greet anyone.
Words: “please”, “thank you”
Do not tell anybody.
Turn around and questions
Do not answer to anyone.
And then no one will say
About you that you talker.

If anything happened,
And no one is to blame
Don't go there otherwise
You will be guilty.
Hide somewhere aside.
And then go home.
And about what he saw,
Do not tell anybody.

If you have not bought you a cake
And in the movie with us did not take the evening
You need to be offended by parents
And go without a hat on a cold night.
But not just like that
Wander the streets
And in the dark dark
Forest set off.
There you immediately wolf
Hungry will meet
And of course fast
He eats you.
That's when papa and mom recognize
Scream, cry and run.
And rush to buy a cake,
And in the movie with you
Will take you in the evening.

See what's going on
In every house at night.
Turning his nose to the wall,
Silently adults are lying.
They move their lips
In hopeless darkness And with eyes closed
Heel jerked in a dream.
Do not agree
At night, go to bed.
Do not let anyone
You put to bed.
Do you really want
Children's years
Hold under the covers,
On the pillow, no pants?

There is a sure means
Like adults:
Start in the morning
Yelling and littering
Eavesdrop, whimper,
Worn around the house
Lie down and beg
Gifts from everyone.
Rude, sly,
Tease and lie,
And in the evening suddenly
Stop for an hour, -
And immediately, with a smile
Touched by stroking,
All adults you
Pat on the head
And they will say that you
Wonderful boy
And no child
Pleasant to you.

If you came to the tree,
Require your gift immediately
Yes, look, so no candy
Not healed Santa Claus.
And do not think lightly
Bring home the leftovers.
How to mom and dad -
Half will be taken away.

If you are waiting for punishment
For bad behavior,
For example, for being in the bathroom
You bathed your cat,
Do not ask permission
Neither the cat nor the mother,
I can offer you a way
How to escape from punishment.
Knock on the floor,
Beat yourself in the chest
And cry and scream:
“Oh, why did I torment the cat !?
I deserve a terrible punishment!
My shame only death will redeem! ”
Half a minute won't pass,
Like sobbing along with you
You will be forgiven and to comfort
Run for a sweet cake.
And then calm the cat
You lead by the tail into the bath,
After all nayabednichat cat
Will never be able to.

For example, in your pocket
Turned out to be a handful of candy
And to meet you
Your true friends.
Do not be scared and do not hide,
Do not rush to run away
Do not shove all the candy
Together with candy wrappers in the mouth.
Come to them calmly,
No words to say
Quickly taking out of pocket,
Stretch them ... palm.
Shake hands with them
Say goodbye slowly
And turning the first corner,
Rush quickly home.
To eat candy at home
Get under the bed,
Because there, of course,
You will not meet anyone.

Take a thick cherry juice
And white mother's cape.
Lei gently juice on the raincoat -
A stain will appear.
Now that there was no stain
On my mother's raincoat,
The cloak should be put entirely
In thick cherry juice.
Take the cherry mother's cape
And a cup of milk.
Ley gently milk -
A stain will appear.
Now that there was no stain
On my mother's raincoat,
The cloak should be put entirely
In a pot of milk.
Take a thick cherry juice
And white mother's cape.
Ley gently ...

If you broke the window,
Do not rush to confess.
Wait a minute
Suddenly a civil war.
Artillery will hit
The glasses will fly out everywhere,
And no one will scold
For a broken window.

Bay friends without a break
Every day for half an hour,
And your muscles
It will become stronger bricks.
And with mighty hands,
You, when enemies come,
You can in a difficult moment
Protect your friends.

Never wash your hands,
Neck, ears and face.
This is a stupid occupation.
It leads to nothing.
Hands get dirty again
Neck, ears and face
So why waste your energy,
Time to waste.
It’s also useless to get a haircut
There is no point.
To old age itself
Bald head.

Never allow
Put a thermometer myself,
And do not swallow tablets,
And do not eat powders.
Let the stomach and teeth hurt,
Throat, ears, head,
All the same, do not drink drugs,
And do not listen to the doctor.
The heart stops beating,
But surely
Do not stick you mustard plaster
And they will not give a shot.

If you got to the hospital
And you do not want to roll there,
Wait when you are in your room
The most important doctor will come.
Bite him - and immediately
Your treatment will end,
That evening from the hospital
Take you home.

If mom is in the store
You just bought a ball
And does not want the rest
Everything that sees, buy,
Stand with your heels together,
Arms apart
Open mouth wider
And shout the letter "A"!
And when, dropping bags,
With a cry: “Citizens! Anxiety!"
Buyers rush
With sellers at the head,
To you the director of the store
Creep up and tell mom:
"Take everything away for free,
Let him just shut up. "

When are you mother
Leads to dentists,
Do not expect mercy from her,
Vain tears are not lei.
Be quiet as a captured partisan,
And grit your teeth like that
That did not manage to unclench them
Crowd of dentists.

If you stayed home
One without parents
I can offer you
Interesting game
Called "Brave Cook"
Or "Brave cook."
The essence of the game of cooking
All sorts of delicious dishes.
I suggest to start
Here is a simple recipe:
It is necessary in my father's shoes
Pour mama's perfume,
And then these shoes
smear shaving cream
And, watering them with fish oil
With black mascara in half,
Throw in the soup that mom
Cooked in the morning.
And cook with the lid closed
Exactly seventy minutes
What happens, you learn
When adults will come.

If your friend is the best
Slipped and fell
Point to your friend with your finger
And grab your stomach.
Let him see, lying in a pool, -
You are not upset.
A true friend does not like
Grieve your friends.

If you are not firmly
In life, chose the way
And do not know why
Work your way to start,
Beat the light bulbs at the entrances -
People will say thank you.
You will help the people
Take care of electricity.

To drive out of the apartment
Different flies and mosquitoes,
Need to pull the curtain
And twist over your head.
Fly from the walls of the picture
From the windowsill - flowers.
The TV is tumbling
Chandelier crashes into the floor.
And, from the crash escaping,
Mosquitoes scatter,
And scared flies
A bunch of rush to the south.

If you decided in the morning
To behave,
Feel free to enter the cabinet
And dive into the darkness.
There is neither mom nor dad,
Only father's pants.
There, no one will shout loudly:
“Stop it! Do not dare! Do not touch! "
There will be much easier
Without disturbing anyone
All day long myself decently
And decently lead.

I decided to fight - choose
The one who is weaker.
A strong can give change,
Why do you need it?
The younger one you beat,
Cheer that heart
Look how he cries, screams
And mommy is calling.
But if suddenly for the baby
Has anyone entered,
Run, cry and cry out loud,
And call mommy.

There is a reliable way dad
Forever drive crazy.
Tell dad honestly
What did you do yesterday.
If he can
Stay on your feet
Explain what to do
Tomorrow you think.
And when with a crazy view
Dad sings a song,
Call an ambulance.
Phone its 03.

If you walked in a hat,
And then she was gone,
Do not worry mom at home
You can lie something.
But try to lie beautifully,
To looking admiringly
Holding her breath mom
Long listened to lies.
But if you lied
About the lost hat
That her battle is unequal
You took a spy,
Try to mom
Did not go outraged
In foreign intelligence,
There they will misunderstand her.

"It is necessary to share with the younger ones!"
“We need to help the younger ones!”
Never forget
These rules, friends.
Repeat very quietly
They are the one who is older than you
To younger about it
Did not learn anything.

If hands at dinner
You are dirty with salad
And feel free about the tablecloth
Wipe your fingers
Lower unnoticed
They are under the table, and there is calm
Wipe your hands
On the neighbors pants.

If you're in your pocket
I did not find a penny,
Look in the pocket to the neighbor, -
Obviously, the money is there.

If your neighbor on the desk
Became a source of infection
Hug him - and to school
Two weeks you will not come.

To spontaneous combustion
The house did not happen,
Leaving the room
Take the iron with you.
Vacuum cleaner, electric stove,
TV and floor lamp
Better, with bulbs together,
Move to the next yard.
And it will be more reliable
Cut the wires
To all over your area
Immediately passed out the light.
You can be sure
You're almost certain
What is spontaneous combustion
The house has reliably saved.

Matches - the best toy
For bored children.
Daddy's tie, mother's passport -
Here is a small fire.
If you throw slippers
Or put a broom
You can fry a whole chair,
In the nightstand cook ear.
If adults go somewhere
Matches hid from you,
Explain to them that matches
For the fire you need.

If son laundering
Detect mom suddenly
That she does not wash her son,
And someone else's daughter ...
Do not be nervous mom
Well, does it matter to her.
There are no differences
Between dirty kids.

When you grow old, go
On the street on foot.
Don't get on the bus anyway
Will have to stand there.
And now there are few fools,
To give way,
And to those far times
It will not be them at all.

If you played football
On the wide pavement
And, hitting the gate,
Suddenly they heard a whistle,
Do not shout: “Goal!”, Perhaps
This is a policeman
Boomed when hit
Not the gate, but into it.

Running away from the tram
Do not rush under the dump truck.
Wait at the traffic lights
Will not seem until
Ambulance car -
It is full of doctors
Let them crush you.
Cure themselves later.

If you want enemies
Win with one blow
You missiles and shells,
And cartridges to anything.
Drop to them by parachute
(fill this line yourself.)
An hour later, the enemies, sobbing,
Will come running to surrender.

If you are the last
You don't want to insert a line yourself
Choose any
Of those offered to you.
Drop to them by parachute:
Your little sister,
Dad, Grandma and Mom,
Two bags of rubles and treshek,
The principal of your school,
Pedsovet composed full,
The engine of the "Zaporozhets"
Dentists dozen,
Small car oster
Tea from the school buffet,
The book "Bad advice" ...
An hour later, the enemies, sobbing,
Will come running to surrender.

If your name is lunch,
Proudly hide under the sofa
And lie there quietly,
So as not immediately found you.
And when from under the couch
They will drag you by the feet,
Break out and bite,
Do not give up without a fight.
If you still get
And they will put you at the table,
Tilt the cup,
Pour the soup on the floor.
Clamp your mouth,
Fall down from the chair.
And throw the chops up,
Let it stick to the ceiling.
In a month, people will say
Regards for you:
"He looks thin and dead,
But the character is hard. "

If you decide first
Become in the ranks of their fellow citizens -
Never catch up
Strive forward.
Five minutes later, cursing
They will run back,
And then, leading the crowd,
You rush ahead.

If to dad or to mom
Adult aunt came
And leads some important
And serious conversation,
It is necessary behind imperceptibly
Sneak up on her and then
Shout out loud in your ear:
“Stop! Give up! Hands up!"
And when off the chair aunt
With fright will fall
And shed himself on the dress
Tea, compote or jelly,
That is probably very loud.
Mom will laugh
And, proud of her child,
Dad will shake your hand.
Dad will take you by the shoulder
And lead somewhere.
There, probably, very long
Dad will praise you.

Get yourself a notebook
And write down in detail,
Who is who in the break
How many times have you sent,
With whom the physical education teacher
Drank kefir in the gym, And that dad at night mom
He whispered softly in his ear.

If sharp objects
You caught my eye,
Try them deeper
In yourself stick.
This is the best way.
Make sure yourself
What are dangerous items
Need to hide from children.

Require you to answer?
Well, learn to answer.
Do not shake, do not whine, do not mumble,
Never hide your eyes.
For example, asked mom:
"Who scattered the toys?"
Answer it's dad
Brought my friends.
Did you have a fight with a younger brother?
Say first he
Kicked you in the neck
And swore like a bandit.
If asked who is in the kitchen
All cutlets are bitten,
Answer that the neighbor cat,
And maybe the neighbor himself.
Whatever you do,
Learn to hold the answer.
For their actions each
Must boldly answer.

If you decide firmly
Aircraft to steal to the West
But you can't think
Than scare pilots,
Read them passages
From today's newspaper, -
And they are in any country
Together with you they will fly away.

To tease better out the window,
From the eighth floor.
From the tank is also good
When strong armor.
But if you want to bring
People to bitter tears,
Their safest
On the radio tease.Bad advice in verse from Gregory Oster

When a guest drops a cup,
Do not beat the guest in the forehead.
Give another cup, let
He drinks calmly tea.
When and this cup guest
Drop from the table,
In the glass pour tea to him
And let him calmly drink.
When all the dishes guest
In the apartment will kill
Have to pour sweet tea
By the collar to him.

If you are on the phone
Called a fool
And they did not wait for an answer,
Throwing the receiver on the lever,
Dial a quick number
From any random numbers
And to the one who picks up the phone,
Report - the fool himself.

The address of the school, the one in which
Lucky enough to learn
Like multiplication table
Remember firmly, by heart,
And when you happen
Meet with saboteur
Without wasting a minute
School address is reported.

Do not be discouraged if
Call mom to school
Or dad. Do not be shy,
Bring the whole family.
Let uncles come, aunts
And second cousins,
If you have a dog,
Bring her too.

If you sister decided
Just a joke to scare,
And she from you on the wall
Runs off barefoot,
So funny jokes
Do not reach her,
And do not put my sister
In slippers of live mice.

If you caught my sister
With the groom in the yard,
Do not rush her soon
Dad with mom to issue.
Let parents first
Marry will give her
Then you tell my husband
All you know about a sister.

If chasing you
Too many people
Question them in detail
What are they upset about?
Try to console everyone.
Give everyone advice,
But at the same time reduce the speed
Absolutely nothing.

Do not be offended by the fact
Who is beating you
And do not be lazy every time
To thank him
For sparing no effort,
He beats you with his hands,
And could these hands take
And stick, and brick.

If a friend's birthday
I invited you to my place
You leave a gift at home -
It is useful to yourself.
Try to sit next to the cake.
Do not enter into conversations.
You while talking
Eat half the candy.
Choose smaller pieces,
To swallow faster.
Do not grab the salad with your hands -
Spoon more scoop.
If you suddenly give nuts,
Rash them carefully into your pocket,
But do not hide there jam -
It will be difficult to take out.

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