10 things for an adolescent daughter
The eternal problem is how to talk with children aboutpuberty. Especially with the girls. Especially at a time when their breasts suddenly grow, the periods start, and self-confidence, on the contrary, melts, giving way to teenage complexes. Sex educators and educators tell how and what you can talk with your daughter, becoming a teenager, so she entered the puberty prepared.
Sex enlightener Al Vernaccio enters the roomin a superhero costume: a blue T-shirt with a "Power!" badge, golden sleeves, a blue mask on his eyes and, of course, a waving cloak. He is going to present a curriculum that uses the metaphor for obtaining superpowers to describe the phenomenon of puberty. Vernaccio wants the children to feel themselves all-powerful in this period, and not lose control over the situation, as it usually happens in teens.
A study published this year,shows that most girls are not ready for puberty. As a result, this period becomes for them full of negative experience. Vernaccio explains this by an unhealthy and disrespectful attitude towards female sexuality in our culture. "The society does not encourage young women to be interested in their bodies, to experiment and, in general, to be familiar with them," he says. "If a boy entering a puberty already, as a rule, knows how everything is arranged there, which is normal for him personally, what is pleasant and what is not, then other girls at this age do not even imagine what their vagina looks like."
In general, puberty is always associated with some discomfort. "We often talk about him as something really unpleasant," says Vernaccio.
And we need, finally, to decide how to talk about elementary things such as monthly - it's not something terrible.
All these conversations need to start earlier than beforebetter. Many of us - parents and teachers alike - agree that sexual education is a long process. But in reality, we do not talk to them about such things until they turn 13. And it's because we pull for so long, and then we need to throw out a bunch of accumulated information on them, that parents weigh everything as much as children.
If we constantly postpone important conversations,which can prepare our daughter for puberty, the consequences can be many. For example, if a girl does not have certain knowledge about her body, how she works and how she works, she may at some point experience a shock. "If they are not emotionally prepared," says Corey Silverberg, a sex educator and author of "Sex is a funny word," they can get an undesirable or even frightening experience. "
So, here are 10 things that moms need to do to prepare daughters for puberty:
Share your experiences
"If my mother had her own negative experience inadolescence, "says Vernaccio," it may be difficult for her to start such a conversation. And I think it's normal - to be nervous about it. But it is also absolutely normal to share personal experiences with daughters, even if it was not pleasant. You can tell it in the context of "I do not want you to experience this either." "
Show a worthy example
"The way you yourself feel about the issuessexuality, "says Debra Hauser, a sex educator, how important you are with your partner or spouse, with your children. What do you say when you discover your three-year-old daughter after feeling your genitals? "Do not do this ever!"? or "Do not do it with other people"? This attitude is important. "
Look for the opportunity to start a conversation
"We can prepare children for changes in anyage - says Silverberg. "We should always find an opportunity to discuss with them changes in their bodies." As an option, Silverberg gives as an example the discussion of the change in the appearance of grandparents. Like, see how they change - so does the body of each person.
Use the knowledge of others
Now there are a lot of great videos, literatureand other benefits. One of the parents uses books or TV shows as an excuse for starting a conversation about relationships and sexuality. "It does not matter what their reaction was," says Hauser, "they still hear you and will appreciate your efforts."
Make sure the words reach the addressee
"Take care that during the conversation you do not soundas a high-born adult expert, "says Silvergurg." It will be good if the child asks you questions, you will answer them without adult enthusiasm and ask something in response. "
Do not label
Talk about puberty "in general", about how it happens to all children. Do not try to predict what problems your child may have. In fact while they still are not present.
Convince them that they are absolutely normal
The high school student of Thea Eigo tells thatthe best thing she heard from her mother is the statement that all changes in the body that occur during puberty are normal. "I have an older sister, and she and Mom have always been very open about such things," she says. "So when it was my turn to grow up, I was not shocked by all this. I grew up talking about monthly and shaving my legs. And did not feel embarrassed. "
Perceive everything positively
Vernaccio donned a superhero costume,that a teenager should feel all-powerful, not bewildered and weak. "But even if all this does not seem like such a superhero, and your daughter is experiencing obvious difficulties, you can still find strengths in growing up." He advises mothers to discuss with children the successful women they admire. "All these women have one thing in common - they all once passed through the process of growing up. Thus, you can show the adolescent period as something obligatory and beautiful, as a process that gives strength and turns a girl into a successful woman. "
Tell them about sexism
"We do not talk much with girls aboutthe fact that if you were born a woman, to you in many cases will be treated separately - says Silverberg - If we do not warn the girls in advance, they at some point, faced with this, will think that they are guilty, it's in them. But this is not so. "
Just be around
"The most important thing that you can give your child,they are parents who are always ready to listen and come to the rescue. And the feeling that they are loved not for something, but just because they are, "says Hauser.
"It is very important that the children have whom to turn to," says Thea Eigo. "It's better to go through an unpleasant conversation than not to know how to approach this problem."
Those who are afraid to tell their daughters too much"Goldfarb soothes:" There is a whole world around you, eager to tell your children about what may lie outside the scale of your moral values. And if you do not take the responsibility to teach them, someone else will do it. But, most likely, not in the form in which you would like it.